The Surprised Cow and other business and children's stories

 

Kindle-only version

About this book

 WE all have faced those moments when someone says “Give a speech” at a dinner party or function, or even at a special moment in life when you want to cheer up the audience. It could just be that short little tale that brings laughter and smiles. Or maybe it’s a child, precious to you and other loved ones, and you want to create a bond in that special way: “I want to tell you a funny story.”

So here are some creative options from me to you; some of these came from one of my autobiographies in which I cherished the memory of my mother’s mother, Geraldine. In her honor, I add to the collection of possibilities that a grandchild—or a gathering of colleagues and associates in an organized structure of business--could hear from someone special like you, the reader.

Again, there’s nothing finer than making an audience whoop with laughter and being thankful that you had a story in your hands that you could bring forward for some fun.

The best part is that these are true!

Here are 11 little tales. It’s part of the reason to share them. Thanks for being part of the exchange.

 Table of Contents

 

1.  The Surprised Cow; p.4

2.  The Fish with Two Tails (and no head); p. 6

3.  The Boy Bird who laid an Egg & The Bird that Meowed; p. 8

4.  The Slippery Eel; p. 10

5.  The Pig’s Tail (and the Goat’s Neck); p. 13

6.  The Long Island Duckling; p. 15

7.  The Chicken Tractor; p. 17

8.  Mr. Dooley (the woolly monkey), the guinea pigs, the duck, and others; p. 19

9.  A Mountain Goat or Horseshoes: take your pick; p. 21

10.              How the Platypus got its…you-name-it parts; p. 22

11.              What do dragons eat? You would be surprised; p. 48

12.              All my books on Amazon.com; p. 56-57

13.              About the Author; p. 58

 The Surprised Cow

(This is for a business audience)

 

(Woke up this morning and reminded myself to be thankful that all is as well as possible--and then I remembered the cow.)

The cow? What cow? Why a cow?

 Because...I could have been a farmer with a cow.

Why a farmer with a cow? What has that got to do with being thankful? You should ask the cow--if it could talk. Because it would tell you how this (Scottish) farmer had a cow with an intestinal blockage that created a pocket of flatulent gas that couldn't be released.

 So the farmer called a veterinarian--who, after diagnosing the condition, made an effort to release the gas blockage by--I'm not kidding--putting a PVC pipe through the animal's rectum.

 I'm NOT a large-animal vet, but I spoke to one recently, and she confirmed it. (The conversation happened on NYE, so she might have said anything, but I know her better as a qualified professional.) So, after inserting the pipe, the vet waited--and after the animal did not release the gas, the doctor decided to light a match at the end.

 Now THAT was a Texas Firecracker if ever there was one. The farmer and the vet staggered out of the wreckage of the barn, and so did the cow--with the PVC pipe still in its behind.

 And most likely, with a VERY puzzled and desperate look in its eyes that said, "Hey, guys. Would you PLEASE take this thing out of my rear end?!?" True story.

Psychological Astrology for the VISUAL learner

 Now on Amazon: the Powerpoint-color slides that I featured on my other book, but with less text and more visual impact. Especially prepared for neuro-divergent readers. Over 200 slides.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DTGYD9NB

Looking for that special birthday/Christmas present?

Looking for that rare-and-special Christmas or birthday gift to give to someone—and in an age range from 6 to 66 (or older)? Try one of my books available in paperback or kindle format from Amazon.com. 

Children’s stories that range from an autistic-telepathic little girl who makes friends with gemstone-munching dragons in the mountain next to her village; the original story of how the platypus from Australia ended up with so many unusual features; a charming tale of two plants who comfort each other at an overseas university during a scorching summer heat; and a goofy tuxedo cat who conquers his owner’s bed space by personal demand of comfort.

Were you into the music scene during the ‘70s and ahead? Meet with members of The Band, Derek and the Dominos, the Mahavishnu Orchestra, Peter Green’s Original Fleetwood Mac, the notorious train ride with the Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin, and Bonnie Bramlett’s vial of Owsley high-octane LSD, and some down-and-dirty blues legends like Buddy Guy. And a nod years ago to the late Monkee Mike Nesmith when he was doing the Texas yodel in his tunes.

For sure: if you were a graduate of the toughest education system in New York (aka the Elwood School District in Long Island), were you there when the VW Bug appeared on the auditorium roof in 1970? I KNOW some confessions came forward when I brought up the topic on the group site—and while you’re reading about ‘Horror Day High School’ (“Holiday High School”), find out what happened to #21’s football jersey from the ’72 championship team. (I’m not confessing who admitted the crime to me--but they ALSO wore football jerseys.)

Drop in for a front-row seat with Paul Newman and Robert Redford as they conspire to ‘sting’ $500,000 from a deadly Robert Shaw, or have a glimpse of some truth-is-stranger-than-fiction moments with my life, including the swans-as-aliens in my farm pasture in Alabama, driving a car with no wheels, or better yet: the woman who was grilled by Dr. Phil for her claims to be a reborn avatar just weeks before her death and her cult followers wrapped her body in Christmas lights. Lucky for me that my Guardian Angel pulled me out of yet ANOTHER fine mess! Penance: 'You must go and work in China.' Who--me?!

See? You can get an education about used cars, horse racing, and politics from a channeled Groucho Marx in “The Creative Classroom Experience”—and maybe, you’ll find that Wonder Bread is indeed “Manna from Heaven” if you know how to make a sales pitch for dough. I mean the financial kind. 

That and a guideline for raising that Calvin-and-Hobbes little boy if you learn about his birthday gifts and challenges in an astrological-psychology handbook. Thank YOU, Grandma and Grandpa, for helping Mom and Dad to safely handle the task!

Autobiography: "A Guardian Angel on My Shoulder" - faith-based life lessons

Paperback or Kindle

 

Guard duty with a guardian angel

We’ve all heard about guardian angels. Maybe they’re male or female, or maybe they have wings. Named by my mother for an archangel, I know that my guardian angel has been on assignment through some wild episodes—and I have to thank God Above for the love, persistence, and wisdom of the one assigned to me. This is my story—and Grainger’s. That’s the name I call my Guardian Angel.

These are the memoirs of a lifetime of challenges and struggles with a learning disorder, a love of reading, social and behavioral challenges, and a very toxic and unfriendly family environment. But belief in God has brought me an advanced degree in education, travel to a foreign country where Americans are not readily welcomed, and happiness, enthusiasm, and remarkable connections that extend over an ocean’s distance. Through it all, I have learned to say on a daily basis that I am blessed and thankful—and grateful—for the chances and choices I have made that uplift my spirit. I have found ways to encourage others of all ages through writing, a career in education, and sincere motivation. I credit my Guardian Angel for doing anything needed to keep me remembering that God has plans for me. And in doing so, I am a servant for God’s work—and part of God’s creation in ways that fulfill my life.

Behind every moment of doubt, there is always a reason to believe in the power that God will hear our prayers, our worries, and our thanks when it all becomes clear. This is my story of how my Guardian Angel, “Grainger,” has blessed me and made it clear in my life to give thanks for God’s goodness. And how much it took for me to learn to thank God, our Creator, for all that I am.

 

Rock 'n' Blues Stew II: Classic rock 'n' roll, blues, jazz, and more

On Amazon.com)

 How to make a rock & blues stew

 Mix together with extreme caution and a touch of frenzy: an insatiable passion for the wild and dangerous smokin’ steamy blues and gutsy rock ‘n’ roll; a healthy measure of renegade rebelliousness and rambunctious mischief; full-moon madness driven by the zodiac and other Cosmic capers; a razor-sharp mind that splashes words like a paintball fight; a call for the open road and skies—and you have the ingredients for the music, the people, the backstage presence and the sights and sounds of Rock ‘n’ Blues Stew II.  Follow what my friends call “Mitch-Tripping the Musical Universe” with the heroes, angels, and devils from the onstage and studio days of Derek and the Dominos, George Harrison, The Band, the J. Geils Band, Delaney and Bonnie & Friends with Eric Clapton, the Mahavishnu Orchestra, Leo Kottke, Richard Thompson, Rory Block, Buddy Guy, and many others of voice and instrument.

 Here are some of the essays, interviews, and articles that brought me friendship and fun through the world of the music circuit and the artists who make it their life calling.  From Nashville and Memphis to the Ozarks, down in the Mississippi Delta, Gadsden, AL, Macon, GA, Muscle Shoals, AL, or Red Bank and Asbury Park, NJ:  if you play it, shake it, or just let it give you the groove, then drop in these stories and let it flow. It’s a stew of rock and blues for your musical news.  Living and loving large as a freelance editor, travel with me to the homes and life stories, concert backstage rooms and sound studios, and the fame and glory of some famous and upcoming drummers, guitar players, vocalists and songwriters of our time—and the tales they have to tell.

Psychological Astrology for young people, parents, and holistic workers

Paperback  Kindle

The 21^st Century is the Time for Psychology and Astrology

The doors astrology can open are based in a psychological frame:  that we possess a natural system of looking within and seeing ourselves in an organized structure of behaviors, responses, growth, and sequential outcomes.  We have available a 12-way mirror of the soul with multiple levels of potential views and choices to make to take us further on the pathway that we call Life.  We can become the artist who creates the living painting of our decisions and their results.  These are ideas to help the working, thinking, considerate practical healer of body, mind, and soul, whether or not the person is a professional physician, holistic healer, or just someone interested in understanding the vast range of experiences that come with a lifetime (especially those who are blessed as parents).  

What is PA? In western world terms, it’s a language of human actions and choices that can be discerned with the symbols that represent those actions and choices. It’s a blend of the myths from Greece and Rome that describe the stories of humans and their views of the gods and goddesses—the alleged beings of powerful energies of nature. Those gods and goddesses mirrored the choices and decisions of humans that are so vital to our awareness of life: love, war, intellect, enjoyment, surprise, emotions, self-identity, spirituality, discipline in building character, and ultimately, how we face death—and rebirth.

The participants in PA are like actors and actresses who partake of their roles in those choices and decisions. They take on nine (9) major themes (the major planets), with secondary back-ups, and present themselves with twelve (12) styles of appearances (the signs). Each actor/actress, in their exchange “on stage in life,” either cooperates or challenges each other, or several others, according to the life lessons to be achieved or mastered (the aspects). Or not—there are no guarantees! Within those roles and challenges-cooperation, there may be one or more key areas of 12 Life Experiences—or “stages”—to facilitate this. Each “stage” (or ‘house’) has its own setting.

The diagram of the birth chart (or current event chart, or even relationship-compatibility chart, if desired), shows who is in which role, how they are “costumed” for it, and in which areas of Life Experience they are “on stage” for the challenges or cooperation dynamics. There are also factors for passive or aggressive responses and “acting out in character,” and introversion/extroversion options. The results are ultimately up to each individual to learn through the “script(s)” that have been crafted for each actor/actress in the Life Performance. There are surely failures and also achievements, which all are up to the person who knows their Life Blueprint by way of PA.

As a hint: yes, the symbols are easy to learn in astrology. If you know your alphabet in any language, it’s just like that. Each symbol has its own ‘sound’ or role of action or energy to deliver. If you know your language by symbols (e.g., Hebrew, Sanskrit, Arabic), you know this already. If you know your language by complex symbols (Chinese or Japanese), you know it already.

There can be a lifetime of study within PA because psychology is the study of human behavior and the decisions that impact those behaviors. You may also learn how to identify which Life Lessons are appearing in your current life cycles or age. These are options that I can also teach—but I emphasize that it is much easier and rewarding to know the basics. To know yourself is to know your strengths, weaknesses, and opportunities. It may also reward you to know these qualities within those who are your key associates, family, and social network. Again, welcome!! 

 

High School memoir (humor and fun)

(On Amazon.com)

(PS: After our 50th reunion last October, I gave a copy to the current principal. 

He had no idea of these stories...well, NOW he has homework!!)